Of Grave Importance

I’m going to address something I feel most girls will relate to. 

Warning: I’m not going to be polite.

Dear Pad companies,

You try so hard to make pads look as pretty as possible with all those intricate floral patterns, like SERIOUSLY who looks at that shit man? If anything, I’m going to feel guilty about bleeding all over those beautiful (I’d know if I looked at it) flowers; as thin as you can go without having them lose purpose. You want to make pads so discreet, and hey, I’m all for it. But, how about you fucking make the packaging a little noiseless because every time I open a pad, I’m so fucking sure, people in China know I’m having my period. Like, I’m genuinely starting to have an issue with how noisy the packaging is, especially when we have guests over and I need to change a pad and it sounds like I’m opening a packet of chips in the fucking bathroom. Or, picture this hypothetical scenario, I’m having a guy friend over and we’re just chilling and then I go in the bathroom and he hears what he thinks is me farting because opening a pad sounds damn near close to an incredibly loud fart. 

Just divert funds from printing those stupid flowers to better, noiseless packaging and you’ll actually be doing us all a favour. 

Sincerely,

A girl who’s tired of being embarrassed in front of random male relatives who heard me opening a pad in the bathroom.